I have two questions.

For those who want to take a break from watching Rico perform menial tasks during our March Madness stream, I have a couple of questions that I already know the answer to. 

For the record: At this point, I am hoping Dave lets Rico off with time served, but I am also hoping he makes Mr. Bosco wear a French Maid outfit and dust the furniture at Dave & Busters.

But back to my questions… First of all, I was in my town of Ridgewood, NJ the other day running some errands. The first of which was picking up the dry cleaning that my wife had dropped off the week before. 

I pulled up in front of the establishment, and as I walked towards the door, I noticed a woman across the street gathering loose laundry from the back of her Mercedes SUV. 

She turned towards the same dry cleaners I was about to enter and began walking towards me with an awkward pile of clothes that were nearly spilling out from her arms. 

The woman was about my age but, unlike me, was desperately skinny… Her yoga pants should’ve read BODY BY BULIMIA across the bony ass that resided above her toothpick legs. 

But you know me… I don’t like to judge. 

I also don’t like missing an opportunity to be a gentleman, so even though she was 10 yards away, I opened the door to the dry cleaners and patiently held it open for her. 

She did not say “Thank you” and I entered directly behind her.  And then the young woman behind the counter (who saw the act of chivalry I just performed) said, “Who is first?”

I could tell she asked the question to allow the scarecrow to acknowledge that I was truly first but walked in second only after an act of charity. The reason I could tell this was what the cashier intended was when the lady said, “Oh, I am.” and plopped her clothes on the counter, the young woman behind the counter gave a small facial gesture towards me acknowledging that I was just fucked over by someone who was emaciated enough to have easily been an extra in Schindler’s List. 

So this leads me to my first question: 

Is the woman who ‘kinda’ jumped me in line a cunt?

Before answering yes, you should know there was no one else in the store and no other employees waiting to service other customers. 

I’ll also remind you that I was simply picking up my clothes, so my transaction would’ve been a swift one… I had my ticky, so I would’ve quickly gotten my shirty. 

But no… Instead of showing some gratitude/decency to the bald man with the gigantic cock who just held a door open for you, this clam decided to take up over 7 minutes going through each article of clothing with specific cleaning instructions. 

“The silk camisole has a cum stain that will need to be spot treated, but the caftan has multiple cum AND vomit stains that may require a hammer and chisel.” 

That is what I THOUGHT I heard as I stood a safe 6 feet away from Skeletor, but I could be mistaken. 

Either way, she finished up her drop-off and walked by me like I didn’t exist, and then the same woman behind the counter gave me a shrug (as if to say, “What can you do?”) before retrieving my non-cumstained clothes. 

So I will ask again… 

Is she a cunt?

Second question… I was at an outdoor event for one of my kids the other night. I won’t get too granular about the details because it would expose the person I am about to ask you about. 

I was standing on a field in moderately cold weather and a dad who was much younger than me pulled out a flask that he casually opened and took a slug from. 

I found it a tad odd that he did that… I am a functioning alcoholic, but who the fuck carries a flask? And perhaps I stared at him too long because he extended his hand containing the flask out to me and offered, “Bourbon?”

Now I should’ve just said, “No thank you.” But instead, I kinda huffed when I replied, “Nah, man.” in a moderately condescending tone. 

This led him to ask, “Why not?”

And I said back, “Because this isn’t 1869, and I am not camped out in the brush trying to gather up some liquid courage before we rob a stagecoach.”

I thought the answer was funny… Maybe a little insulting, but you leave yourself open to that when you drink from a flask. 

Instead of laughing with me as I laughed at him, he turned his back and walked away in a huff.

So I will ask the second question: 

Was I the cunt in this situation?

Talk amongst yourselves, or drop a comment… I really don’t care what you think. 

Take a report. 

-Large